I've heard a lot of people talk about respecting each other and respecting points of view. I couldn't agree more. However, when I try to point out how posting an opinion could be hurtful to someone, I got my butt kicked up and down Facebook. I was accused of crying about someone expressing their opinion when I expected them to listen to mine. How I was being a hypocrite.
That wasn't what I was doing. I wanted people who were posting those things to realize they were talking about, well... frankly... Me!
No matter how nicely you word it, when you put up a post calling people sinners, you're judging them. And you're belittling them.
Many Christian churches have started accepting the idea that gay people are born the way they are. It's not a choice. So all of this protesting and anger towards gay people IS a form of prejudice. You can't choose to be gay any more than you can choose to be a certain race.
But let me talk to you on a level I hope most Christians will understand. Even if you think being gay is a sin... This is what the Bible says...
1 John 4: 20-21 "If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."
Ephesians 4: 29-32 "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
And here are more if you care to read... http://www.openbible.info/topics/how_to_treat_others
The gist of all of this is simple. As Christians, we are asked to look at others with love, not with judgement. When we sit high above others on a throne of moral superiority and looking down, call others sinners, we are not following the path of Christ. Even if we think we're justified in what we believe, we don't have the right to call someone a sinner or judge their life or their actions. We can only look at ourselves, find the sin there and ask God to help us repent.
When we say things like "Gay people are sinners. Homosexuality is a sin. Gay marriage is a sin...", we're placing our beliefs over those of another person. We are not following the words of the Bible.
What we are doing is fostering a climate of hate and intolerance. We add kindling to the fire.
Now before anyone thinks I'm attacking their church or faith, let me say, I'm attacking intolerance by showing you how these actions hurt people.
This is my challenge...
Over the next few weeks, casually bring up Gay Marriage and Gays in conversation with your Christian friends. Ask them for their honest thoughts and opinions. Don't tell them why... just listen to them express their points of view.
Are they following the words of Romans 15: 1-2 "We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up." Or Matthew 7:12 "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."?
Are they building people up? Are they treating gay people the way they want to be treated? Would they want someone to tell them marrying the person they love is a sin? Or pass laws preventing them from being married to their spouse?
Do they want their family and friends to constantly tell them their very existence is a sin?
What do you hear?
I think many of your friends will express the kindness and gentleness of Christ. But many will express judgement and hate. When we listen to words of judgement, condemnation and hate or share them with others, we condone the actions of those who hate and harm their brothers. This is not the path of Christ.
Seriously try this. And hear the words people will say. Know that these are the people who claim to be Christian. Who claim to follow the teachings and words of Jesus. Listen to them and then think about the gay people in your life. Family members, friends, co-workers... And realize these words are about them. This judgement is placed on them.
It is not our place to judge the sin in another person. And it is not our place to put our faith above another. This moral superiority... This pride is not the path of Christ.
When we judge someone and call them a sinner, we're passing judgement on them. Regardless of whether or not we believe what they're doing is right or wrong, it's not our job to make that decision. We are charged simply to "...love your neighbor as yourself." (Matthew 19:19)
And that's it.
John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: Just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another."
This is the message and path of Christ. When we strive to follow this path, the rest seems to fall in place. We don't begrudge a gay couple from experiencing the joy of marriage. We respect the beliefs of people of other faiths. We look for ways to help those around us. To build others up and honor them.
I can promise you, as someone who tries to live this life, it's harder than anything you will ever do. And I don't always find forgiveness and charity in my heart. I struggle with it every day.
Take my challenge. Test the voices around you and listen to the message your churches are sending out. Be honest. Be truthful. And remember, these words you'll hear... They're not about some abstract concept of sin and evil. They're about people you know and love.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
THE INEVITABLE WEAKNESS OF LONELINESS
There's a lot I could go into today. I'm not exactly sure where this entry will end up, but I do know why I'm writing.
Once again, I find myself without sure footing in the river of life and I have to start making some pretty serious choices. I'm having doubts and doubts lead to feelings of low self worth. Right now, everything is in the toilet and more than ever... I wish I had someone I could talk to about it.
I spend most of my life putting on a brave face. I tackle my problems head on and create the illusion that everything is OK and I'm doing great. But underneath it all, I feel very alone.
Growing up gay in a religious family was a recipe for social disaster. There are so many messed up experiences from my youth I don't talk about. Like my dad asking me when I was 5 or 6 if I was gay and not knowing or having a frame of reference for what that was. I could tell by the way he asked it was something bad, so I said, "No."
It wasn't until many years later I finally had the language to say what I was. Or what the world would come to label me as.
I remember talking to my mom about Hell once. I was scared of burning in Hell for being gay. I hadn't come out yet and I didn't want to tell her I was gay, so I brought it up as a question of dogma. The only thing I took away from that conversation was a statement she made right at the end. She said if all of her children couldn't be with her in heaven, she wouldn't go. She would rather go to Hell then be in heaven without one of us.
Today, I see that statement as a parent trying to create a sense of safety and security in their child. No matter what, she wouldn't leave me behind. But as a teenager, I had a different interpretation. Knowing I was gay and knowing I would burn in Hell, I suddenly had to live with the knowledge I was condemning my dear mother, who I love with my whole heart, to an eternity of pain, torture, suffering and misery.
I carried that with me well into adulthood.
In fact, it's one of the reasons I decided to go on a mission. My church, the Mormon church, usually sends boys over the age of 18 on two year missions all over the world. The young men travel to other countries and their function is to convert as many people as possible to the faith. I didn't have a testimony of the church. I didn't actually believe it. But it was my world. Mormonism in Utah is more than just a faith. It permeates every facet of life. Boys didn't graduate High School and move on to college... No, sir. They went on missions. It was just how life was. Although I had no interest in converting people or preaching religion, I did see an opportunity...
One of Mormonism's little loopholes is the mission. It's a commonly held belief that if a missionary dies on their mission while in the service of the church, they automatically go to heaven. It was a get out of jail free card. And I wanted it.
I remember every single time I prayed during my mission, I would silently beg God to let me die.
Now I wasn't a traditional Mormon anyway. I skipped my farewell in church. I told everyone I didn't want a farewell because I felt it would draw the attention and glory to me when it should be focused on God. And a part of me believed that. Or at least believed that's how it should be. But I also didn't want a farewell because I was a liar. And I saw no reason to celebrate my manipulation to get on a mission so I could die and go to heaven.
So here's the part where I'm going to ask you to imagine my experience. I'm in a foreign country, working to convert people to a faith I don't personally believe in, all the while praying my confused little heart out every day because the child inside thought God would let me die.
But God never answered my prayers. Or so I thought.
I remember one night, while my companion and I were going door to door in an apartment building and it was late. We were already past curfew and trying to finish the building so we could go home. We knocked on the door of a young lady who talked with us for about 35 minutes. She listened to our pitch and then responded by explaining to us about her beliefs and her faith.
She didn't lash out and bash us, or slam the door on us... She offered us genuine interest and shared her very real and meaningful spirituality with us in return. I felt an overwhelming sense of kinship with this amazing young woman. And I focused on how many similarities we shared as spiritual people. My companion, felt the experience was a waste of time and kept trying to end the conversation, but I felt so strongly about it, I asked her if we could say a prayer before we left. She graciously agreed.
I said a quick and thoughtful prayer of thanks for meeting her and sharing this lovely connection... If only for a brief moment in time. As I finished my prayer, she began to pray and thanked God for sending two angels to her door that night. Thank you for your messengers spreading the good word in the world.
My heart sank. All the way home, that line stuck with me and I couldn't escape it. My companion went to bed, but I stayed up and spent the night wrestling with my thoughts and praying fervently to God. I didn't feel like an angel or a messenger. I felt like a liar. A deceiver.
I was filled with a feeling of self-loathing I couldn't escape. And it was during that night I realized, God wasn't going to let me die. He'd already answered my prayer. My soul was crushed. I ran a bath, got in and spent the entire night crying. I was very near suicide.
By the next morning, I'd resigned myself to my fate. I finished the rest of my mission much less conflicted. I did what was expected of me and took an early out so I could go home and escape into an adult life free of the constraints of my family.
When missionaries return home, they're supposed to continue to hold themselves as Elders representing the church until they're stake president releases them. My dad was my stake president and after picking me up at the airport in Las Vegas, we went to my sister's apartment for the night. We went for a walk and it was on that walk, my dad released me. I started crying. I remember he was a bit annoyed by my reaction. I said I felt a change and he said I was imagining it. But I wasn't. That was the moment I let the church go in my heart. That was the real moment I stopped being Mormon.
A short time later, I decided to leave the church formally and began a process that ended with my records being removed.
Recently, I've heard stories about people and their suffering when they're excommunicated or when they leave the church. For me, it was liberating. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel closer to God now than I ever did before. I try to lead a life that is Christlike but you'll never know it. My actions are secret and private. I never put them out there for people to see or know.
Yet, in many ways, I'm still trapped by Mormonism and the Christianity of the western world. Young people today are finding it easier to accept who they are and embrace their sexuality. My generation was probably the last to really struggle with inequality. So many men my age seem to be against the concept of monogamy or loving a partner.
I think I understand why that is. Up until now, what could you really have as a gay man? You'd never get married. Have a family. Have a real life in society. The love you shared with your partner would never result in something as wonderful as children. You were living in a dead end world. And if the only thing that could hold two lovers together was a promise... Well, that's a joke by itself.
There wasn't much hope for us. No "happily ever after" for me. Although I don't believe that now, I still find it hard to embrace the concept of happiness. I've spent so many years in the dark. Every step I take into the light is blinding; and even now, I face the prejudice of Mormonism in my life.
I've never found a place at the table. Never found a place I truly fit in. I've come close, but never really made it. The only time I really feel connected is when I'm with my nieces and nephews. They seem to love me unconditionally. And I need that so desperately.
I need a moment in my life where I can be soft and weak and lean on someone. Truly lean on someone without having to quickly pick myself up and be strong again. I need a rock in a stormy sea.
I've gone so many years taking care of me and others... Being strong. Being brave.
I want to be free of all of it. Free of the stigma people still dump on me and people like me. I want to be connected to something bigger than just my tiny, average life.
Today, I feel quietly alone.
And very sad because of it.
Once again, I find myself without sure footing in the river of life and I have to start making some pretty serious choices. I'm having doubts and doubts lead to feelings of low self worth. Right now, everything is in the toilet and more than ever... I wish I had someone I could talk to about it.
I spend most of my life putting on a brave face. I tackle my problems head on and create the illusion that everything is OK and I'm doing great. But underneath it all, I feel very alone.
Growing up gay in a religious family was a recipe for social disaster. There are so many messed up experiences from my youth I don't talk about. Like my dad asking me when I was 5 or 6 if I was gay and not knowing or having a frame of reference for what that was. I could tell by the way he asked it was something bad, so I said, "No."
It wasn't until many years later I finally had the language to say what I was. Or what the world would come to label me as.
I remember talking to my mom about Hell once. I was scared of burning in Hell for being gay. I hadn't come out yet and I didn't want to tell her I was gay, so I brought it up as a question of dogma. The only thing I took away from that conversation was a statement she made right at the end. She said if all of her children couldn't be with her in heaven, she wouldn't go. She would rather go to Hell then be in heaven without one of us.
Today, I see that statement as a parent trying to create a sense of safety and security in their child. No matter what, she wouldn't leave me behind. But as a teenager, I had a different interpretation. Knowing I was gay and knowing I would burn in Hell, I suddenly had to live with the knowledge I was condemning my dear mother, who I love with my whole heart, to an eternity of pain, torture, suffering and misery.
I carried that with me well into adulthood.
In fact, it's one of the reasons I decided to go on a mission. My church, the Mormon church, usually sends boys over the age of 18 on two year missions all over the world. The young men travel to other countries and their function is to convert as many people as possible to the faith. I didn't have a testimony of the church. I didn't actually believe it. But it was my world. Mormonism in Utah is more than just a faith. It permeates every facet of life. Boys didn't graduate High School and move on to college... No, sir. They went on missions. It was just how life was. Although I had no interest in converting people or preaching religion, I did see an opportunity...
One of Mormonism's little loopholes is the mission. It's a commonly held belief that if a missionary dies on their mission while in the service of the church, they automatically go to heaven. It was a get out of jail free card. And I wanted it.
I remember every single time I prayed during my mission, I would silently beg God to let me die.
Now I wasn't a traditional Mormon anyway. I skipped my farewell in church. I told everyone I didn't want a farewell because I felt it would draw the attention and glory to me when it should be focused on God. And a part of me believed that. Or at least believed that's how it should be. But I also didn't want a farewell because I was a liar. And I saw no reason to celebrate my manipulation to get on a mission so I could die and go to heaven.
So here's the part where I'm going to ask you to imagine my experience. I'm in a foreign country, working to convert people to a faith I don't personally believe in, all the while praying my confused little heart out every day because the child inside thought God would let me die.
But God never answered my prayers. Or so I thought.
I remember one night, while my companion and I were going door to door in an apartment building and it was late. We were already past curfew and trying to finish the building so we could go home. We knocked on the door of a young lady who talked with us for about 35 minutes. She listened to our pitch and then responded by explaining to us about her beliefs and her faith.
She didn't lash out and bash us, or slam the door on us... She offered us genuine interest and shared her very real and meaningful spirituality with us in return. I felt an overwhelming sense of kinship with this amazing young woman. And I focused on how many similarities we shared as spiritual people. My companion, felt the experience was a waste of time and kept trying to end the conversation, but I felt so strongly about it, I asked her if we could say a prayer before we left. She graciously agreed.
I said a quick and thoughtful prayer of thanks for meeting her and sharing this lovely connection... If only for a brief moment in time. As I finished my prayer, she began to pray and thanked God for sending two angels to her door that night. Thank you for your messengers spreading the good word in the world.
My heart sank. All the way home, that line stuck with me and I couldn't escape it. My companion went to bed, but I stayed up and spent the night wrestling with my thoughts and praying fervently to God. I didn't feel like an angel or a messenger. I felt like a liar. A deceiver.
I was filled with a feeling of self-loathing I couldn't escape. And it was during that night I realized, God wasn't going to let me die. He'd already answered my prayer. My soul was crushed. I ran a bath, got in and spent the entire night crying. I was very near suicide.
By the next morning, I'd resigned myself to my fate. I finished the rest of my mission much less conflicted. I did what was expected of me and took an early out so I could go home and escape into an adult life free of the constraints of my family.
When missionaries return home, they're supposed to continue to hold themselves as Elders representing the church until they're stake president releases them. My dad was my stake president and after picking me up at the airport in Las Vegas, we went to my sister's apartment for the night. We went for a walk and it was on that walk, my dad released me. I started crying. I remember he was a bit annoyed by my reaction. I said I felt a change and he said I was imagining it. But I wasn't. That was the moment I let the church go in my heart. That was the real moment I stopped being Mormon.
A short time later, I decided to leave the church formally and began a process that ended with my records being removed.
Recently, I've heard stories about people and their suffering when they're excommunicated or when they leave the church. For me, it was liberating. I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I feel closer to God now than I ever did before. I try to lead a life that is Christlike but you'll never know it. My actions are secret and private. I never put them out there for people to see or know.
Yet, in many ways, I'm still trapped by Mormonism and the Christianity of the western world. Young people today are finding it easier to accept who they are and embrace their sexuality. My generation was probably the last to really struggle with inequality. So many men my age seem to be against the concept of monogamy or loving a partner.
I think I understand why that is. Up until now, what could you really have as a gay man? You'd never get married. Have a family. Have a real life in society. The love you shared with your partner would never result in something as wonderful as children. You were living in a dead end world. And if the only thing that could hold two lovers together was a promise... Well, that's a joke by itself.
There wasn't much hope for us. No "happily ever after" for me. Although I don't believe that now, I still find it hard to embrace the concept of happiness. I've spent so many years in the dark. Every step I take into the light is blinding; and even now, I face the prejudice of Mormonism in my life.
I've never found a place at the table. Never found a place I truly fit in. I've come close, but never really made it. The only time I really feel connected is when I'm with my nieces and nephews. They seem to love me unconditionally. And I need that so desperately.
I need a moment in my life where I can be soft and weak and lean on someone. Truly lean on someone without having to quickly pick myself up and be strong again. I need a rock in a stormy sea.
I've gone so many years taking care of me and others... Being strong. Being brave.
I want to be free of all of it. Free of the stigma people still dump on me and people like me. I want to be connected to something bigger than just my tiny, average life.
Today, I feel quietly alone.
And very sad because of it.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
CHARITY AND THE WELFARE STATE
Just the other day I was treated to a 10 minute lecture on how Democrats, (specifically President O'Bama), were turning our country into a welfare state. We work hard so all the lazy people can sit at home and collect paychecks from the government.
All of this came from a man I hold in high esteem. A man who to me embodies many virtues that are sadly lacking in a lot of men today. He's honest in business and his personal life, he's honorable, he's generous, he's always willing to help or lend a hand and he's a man people go to for advice or help. To hear these things coming from his mouth seemed blasphemous.
And yet, not wholly unexpected.
He's a die-hard Republican. I'm talking church going, Limbaugh listening, old school party liner Republican. He's so old fashioned in his ways, I don't know if he's even heard of "critical thinking".
Even so, that doesn't excuse him from towing this party line.
As I've thought about this topic, I've read many articles and opinions online. There are so many theories about why Republicans hate welfare it's impossible to name them all. And in truth, I don't care why.
What I do know is he believes what he does because he's so indoctrinated into believing Democrats are the enemy he eats up anything Republicans tell him as the absolute truth. He quotes Rush Limbaugh like the man was a prophet. His words are scripture truth and fact. But it's not just right wing media that foster these perceptions... He hears them from others who follow the same beliefs just as blindly at church. That reinforces his views. Assures his righteous anger and fuels his faith.
Even if you presented him with a factual accounting of an opposing point of view that disproved something he'd heard in church or from Rush, he's been groomed to ignore truth and evidence, dig in deeper and cling to his irrational beliefs.
But when it comes to what he's hearing on the subject of welfare and charity...
That's not what Jesus taught. Nor what Jesus would do.
Americans live with some crazy notion that this is the country God favors above all others. We are "One nation, under God". As if that somehow magically justifies our actions on a global scale or makes our politicians right. But if God were running our country today, where do you think our tax dollars would be spent? Just think about that. Really think about it. If you gave Jesus billions of dollars, what would he spend it on?
I think he would immediately find people in need and use it to help them. In whatever form. His concern would be charitable.
Are there people who abuse the welfare system? Of course. I remember working in a store in Vegas when a man with a thick wad of hundred dollar bills and over $250 worth of useless junk souvenirs asked if he could pay with food stamps. But that's not the point.
The real point is charitable giving or even welfare isn't about making sure the recipient is worthy of the gift... It's about the spirit of the giver. If you give someone money to buy food and they buy drugs or booze instead, does that diminish your actions? Destroy your good deed? No. Once given, the receiver becomes the owner. Their choice is theirs and doesn't reflect on you.
Why would you even worry about it? If you are Christian, your reward for being a good and charitable person will come in heaven. Don't believe me? Read these Bible verses on charity I found on Knowing-Jesus.com.
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Charity
Wouldn't it be better if you did it or supported it because it was morally right rather than for a reward in heaven? Wouldn't it be so much better if you did it because you genuinely loved other people and wanted their lives to improve?
It seems foolish to me that anyone would feel helping others was a bad thing.
Wake up! Stop moaning and groaning. Stop begrudging anyone help. Supporting any group or organization speaking out against charity/welfare/whatever...
...is not the path of Christ.
All of this came from a man I hold in high esteem. A man who to me embodies many virtues that are sadly lacking in a lot of men today. He's honest in business and his personal life, he's honorable, he's generous, he's always willing to help or lend a hand and he's a man people go to for advice or help. To hear these things coming from his mouth seemed blasphemous.
And yet, not wholly unexpected.
He's a die-hard Republican. I'm talking church going, Limbaugh listening, old school party liner Republican. He's so old fashioned in his ways, I don't know if he's even heard of "critical thinking".
Even so, that doesn't excuse him from towing this party line.
As I've thought about this topic, I've read many articles and opinions online. There are so many theories about why Republicans hate welfare it's impossible to name them all. And in truth, I don't care why.
What I do know is he believes what he does because he's so indoctrinated into believing Democrats are the enemy he eats up anything Republicans tell him as the absolute truth. He quotes Rush Limbaugh like the man was a prophet. His words are scripture truth and fact. But it's not just right wing media that foster these perceptions... He hears them from others who follow the same beliefs just as blindly at church. That reinforces his views. Assures his righteous anger and fuels his faith.
Even if you presented him with a factual accounting of an opposing point of view that disproved something he'd heard in church or from Rush, he's been groomed to ignore truth and evidence, dig in deeper and cling to his irrational beliefs.
But when it comes to what he's hearing on the subject of welfare and charity...
That's not what Jesus taught. Nor what Jesus would do.
Americans live with some crazy notion that this is the country God favors above all others. We are "One nation, under God". As if that somehow magically justifies our actions on a global scale or makes our politicians right. But if God were running our country today, where do you think our tax dollars would be spent? Just think about that. Really think about it. If you gave Jesus billions of dollars, what would he spend it on?
I think he would immediately find people in need and use it to help them. In whatever form. His concern would be charitable.
Are there people who abuse the welfare system? Of course. I remember working in a store in Vegas when a man with a thick wad of hundred dollar bills and over $250 worth of useless junk souvenirs asked if he could pay with food stamps. But that's not the point.
The real point is charitable giving or even welfare isn't about making sure the recipient is worthy of the gift... It's about the spirit of the giver. If you give someone money to buy food and they buy drugs or booze instead, does that diminish your actions? Destroy your good deed? No. Once given, the receiver becomes the owner. Their choice is theirs and doesn't reflect on you.
Why would you even worry about it? If you are Christian, your reward for being a good and charitable person will come in heaven. Don't believe me? Read these Bible verses on charity I found on Knowing-Jesus.com.
http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Charity
Wouldn't it be better if you did it or supported it because it was morally right rather than for a reward in heaven? Wouldn't it be so much better if you did it because you genuinely loved other people and wanted their lives to improve?
It seems foolish to me that anyone would feel helping others was a bad thing.
Wake up! Stop moaning and groaning. Stop begrudging anyone help. Supporting any group or organization speaking out against charity/welfare/whatever...
...is not the path of Christ.
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