Since learning of his death, I've felt strangely numb about Prince. I've spent the past day or so reading reactions and watching response videos. I feel sad. I feel excited. I feel like I should be feeling more. I guess the best way to figure out what I'm feeling is to write about it and see where I end up.
I remember hearing '1999' when it first came out. My sister was a huge Michael Jackson fan and to be honest, I actually thought the song was by the Jackson Five. I clearly remember only hearing it in passing and making that connection in my mind. I discovered my mistake later. I didn't actually learn about Prince himself until Middle School. A kid in my shop class had the "Purple Rain" cassette and the first song I heard was 'Let's Go Crazy'. I was floored.
I was instantly drawn to the sound of the Linn Drum Machine. Combined with guitar and exploding synth lines, it was unlike anything I'd ever heard. Coupled with this quasi religious preacher intro that set my little indoctrinated teenage heart aflutter, I was transfixed. I'd never associated music with church. It seemed surreal. I was at an age where I was opening my mind to new ideas and everything seemed like a discovery.
Popular music is a cycle constantly repeating itself. As you get older, listening to current pop love songs can be a tedious exercise. It's all been said before... Written and performed over and over again... But pop music is written for the young. Those who are discovering love in that moment. And when Prince exploded on the scene with "Purple Rain", those ideas were fresh and new to me. I began exploring the world of more complicated emotions through him.
To say his music shaped my emotional growth would be an understatement. And it wouldn't fully incorporate everything that drew me to him. New Wave was full of strange hair, different fashions, weird electronic sounds and beats. More than any previous generation, we expressed ourselves in outrageous ways. The 80's was full of new instruments and sounds. The pioneers of this movement would change the course of music forever. Prince embraced the new with the old and created a hybrid form of rock uniquely his own. Those of us who went along for the ride would begin a musical journey unlike any other in the history of popular music.
The colors, the artwork, the other-worldly sounds... The way Prince would write "U" instead of "You" or "2" instead of "to"... all of it combined to fuel my imagination and look at everything around me with the notion that one thing can be more than just what it seems. You only need to look at the cover of "Around The World In A Day" to see how easy it could be to lose yourself in discovery. I'd spend hours pouring over the paintings. Looking for hidden messages or meaning.
There were the people... Wendy, Lisa, Matt, Mark, Bobby... And later Sheila, Eric, Morris, Jill, Jerome, Miko... All of them seemed like mythic figures in his tapestry of sound. Each one was a vital piece of Paisley Park; the magical place where we could live together in harmony. Where all of our artistic promise could find expression and fulfillment.
As Prince embraced new sounds and expanded his musical palette, so did I. When he released a Jazz album, I gained my first exposure into that genre and developed an appreciation for it.
Remember the Paisley Park logo? It was surprisingly beautiful to my eye and I discovered very quickly it was easy to find new Paisley Park albums by looking for that unmistakable logo on the spine of cassette tapes. I'd walk along the wall racks skimming for it. Once again, my imagination and exposure to new sounds found itself challenged through new artists, new looks, different colors and artwork.
We became the secret army of colorful people who dreamed in rainbow technicolor and used our Paisley decoders to find the new and hidden chapters in the Prince experience.
Watching him perform live was electrifying. He danced in ways we all wished we could move. He was life personified in his celebration of the physical in each step he took.
I developed an ear for his composition. Even among a slew of artists copying his sound, using his spelling, mimicking his work, I could tell if he wrote a song. I could hear it. There was a way he played and composed music that signified his presence. His aural signature was always there.
There was a time in my life when my friends made fun of me for liking him and his music. I went from boldly wearing my musical passion on my sleeve to hiding it. Eventually I reached a point where I stopped caring about what others thought. I started embracing what made me happy and stopped trying to live up to the expectations of others. I made a lot of changes in my life during that time. Including coming out.
But he continued to shape aspects of who I am and who I became. He would help others in secret. He avoided drawing attention to himself when he achieved something huge. He tried to encourage others. I've done many of the same things in my own life. I've avoided personal glory and done my best to help others in secret. Without looking for recognition or reward. This is part of his influence in my life. It's a core fundamental part of my being.
He shaped me spiritually as well. It's because of him I haven't abandoned my faith. I've quietly nurtured it and allowed it to grow into something I find deeply profound. I use it to define my actions and make decisions.
Most importantly, he gave me a kaleidoscope of music to explore and immerse myself in. The love of these songs has comforted me when I'm sad, inspired me when I was in love and helped me chart a course in life when I felt lost.
In my favorite Prince song, 'The Beautiful Ones', he sings the line, "U were so hard 2 find" and in so many ways, I've felt that single line describes my search for love throughout my life.
But as rare and wonderful a thing love is... As impossible as it may be to find, my life companion, Prince was not. He was always there.
During his acceptance speech for the Award Of Achievement at the 1990 American Music Awards, he said, "I try to create music I've never heard before. I guess I like surprises. I hope you do too."
I had the pleasure of meeting this gentle soul 3 times in my life. And I will never forget one of his messages to me. He simply wrote, "R U Surprised?"
My honest answer, given with each new song, each new album since that day has always been, "Yes!"
I feel like part of my life has ended now. I face the rest of it in a world without that kindred soul. It's time to grow up, get stronger and find my own way through life. A new chapter is beginning. Maybe the magic of flowers, doves and watercolor scenery is washing away like a chalk drawing on a pavement in a rainstorm. I mourn the passing of that time before... But I will face the dawn of this new day with hope in my heart.
Prince, I promise to keep loving surprises. I promise to look for them all around me in the new world. Farewell, my friend...
My lifelong friend.
No comments:
Post a Comment